The Game Has Changed

By Mark vonAppen

The other night I was reminded that we are not always in charge of the way that things turn out.  I saw what it looks like when statistics take precedence of human lives. The other night I was reminded that the game has changed.  There are very specific parameters under which the game is played, and over the past year the rules have been irrevocably altered.  We are not as capable as we once were, and the house called our bluff.  We say it a lot, that someone will pay when the budget forces us to press our luck by making us play short handed, but rarely can we reach out and touch the consequences.  The other night we could touch them and they made us all feel cold and helpless.  

With the change in house rules there are real consequences for not playing along.  I saw it play out in blood, sweat, broken bones, and lives lost. In a nutshell, too many patients, too much twisted metal, and not enough tools to go around.

My mind swirled, "He's really, really bad, and she's really bad too.  You have to pick one because you don't have enough tools to go around.  Take your pick. Heads you lose, tails you lose."

We have to remember that success in our craft doesn't come from holding a good hand, you are judged on what you do when you're dealt a bad hand. 

I was dealt a bad hand and I had to make the better of two no-win decisions.  When the house makes the rules, it wins eventually and I was reminded of just how difficult it is to play against a stacked deck.  I realized again that no matter how good I think I am, I'm not that good.  I watched helplessly as good people tried valiantly to take apart a car with their bare hands as two lives slipped slowly further and further away.

I watched it happen and it was awful.

As the guy who writes and tries to buoy others, I reached out to my network of friends and shared my frustration.  Here is what came back:

You can only do what you can do. We are not superheroes; we are people, just people with a trade to help people. It's not always going to be "ok". Everyone isn't always going to go home. This is a war that will never end for our profession. We do the best we can with what we've got. People get dealt a bad hand and we are there to help, just help. Sometimes we save the day, sometimes we do not. It's how you now handle yourself after defeat that will continue to define you as a firefighter and a human being. Try not to get caught up too much in the what if game. Some of that is always ok as you can learn from shortfalls and better yourself.

Remember, this is a contact sport. You didn't fail with your leadership. Getting back on that rig will help prove that to yourself.

I wasn't alone at this event.  A lot of brothers were there who are hurting afterwards just like me.  What hurts most is that we all know that we used to be able to do a lot more.  The people who make financial decisions (cuts) that limit our ability to respond to emergencies don't have to deal with the fallout, we do.  We are left with the scars. Because we know the difference, it stings that much more.

Sometimes we all need a lift.  I definitely did and still do.  I needed another wake up call. I needed to be reminded that sometimes we all face no-win situations.  I needed to be reminded that we all face the same problems from coast to coast, even around the world, and we are all there for each other.

We have to remember that success in our craft doesn't come from holding a good hand, you are judged on what you do when you're dealt a bad hand.